A Dream I Had Draft-1
A few days age, when I was sleep in the afternoon. I dreamed a terrible thing. I dreamed that I lethargize at a strange place. I saw a dim light when I woke up. Than, I stood up and moved towards a light direction. Suddenly, I flet somebody walking behind me when I walked alone. I felt afraid and walked fast. That person hasten his steps as well. When he approached my back, he push me and I fell into an abyss. I was frightened and woke up. I looked around the room, found myself was safety lying on bed. To come at one thing, that just a dream. But, will this unlucky sign happen?
posted by Amanda @ 4:17 AM
7 Comments:
1.A few days "age"→ago
2.when I "was sleep" in...
→was sleeping
3.I dreamed that I "lethargize"...
→應該用I dreamed that I was
lethargic
4."Than",I stood up and....→Then
5.Suddenly, I "flet" somebody....
→felt
6. ..he "push" me and I fell...
→pushed
7...found myself "was safety lying on bed"→found myself lay on bed safely
大部分都是打字打錯，要小心。
時態方面要注意，字要查看它的用法。
"That person hasten his steps as well." I think you can change to "The person hastened his steps as well."
"I felt afraid and walked fast."
maybe you can change into
"I felt scary and walked faster"
"To come at one thing, that just a dream."
you can change into
"Fortunately, that was just a dream."
大致上的拼字Phoebe都講了...
About the dream, you have to add some situations make your dream more frightened.Maybe you can write about the shadow of that person{just likes a lion's head or hands have claws anything may make your dream very horrible.
過程可再多描述一點
否則內容稍嫌薄弱
打字要注意
加油^^
Your story is a little like Fanny's. Maybe you both have the same dream ,and the person you see is each other.
"A few days age, when I was sleep in the afternoon. I dreamed a terrible thing." write "A few days ago, when I was sleeping in the afternoon,I dreamed a terrible thing." is better.
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