Autobiography Part2 Draft-1
I was admitted to National Tainan Commercial Vocational Senior High School. I was study in Department of Applied Foreign Language. I was chosen to be a sanitation section chief, and I learned people should notice self sanitation habit. I was join a class season sports match,and our class won the champion. When I was in second grader, I make essay with my classmate,and we get the second place. I learned do everything always be hard to do and don't to give up halfway. In this class, I learn something from my classmates.
I have made up my mind to study a good Scientific and technical university after I graduate from vocational high school. And I hope myself can get a results to admitted a desirable university. Let a dream isn't a dream, I will try hard to study.

3 Comments:
"I was study in Department of Applied Foreign Language."was 跟study 都是動詞喔!"I was studying in Department of Applied Foreign Language."比較好! "When I was in second grader, I make essay with my classmate,and we get the second place."←時態的問題!
"I have made up my mind to study a good Scientific and technical university after I graduate from vocational high school." after 之後可改成"after graduating from..."
"Let a dream isn't a dream, I will try hard to study."可改成"Let my dream isn't a dream, I will hard to study. "
都是時態的問題,注意一點!!
Wish you!You can do it.
"and I learned people" should add "that"
"and I learned that people"
" I was join "
should change into
"I joined"
"I was study in Department of Applied Foreign Language." change to " I study in Department of Applied Foreign Language."
"I was join a class season sports match,and our class won the champion." change to "I joined a inter-class volleyball games, and our class won the game."
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