To be careful when play Draft-1
One day,three children were playing under the tree.
Among the three boys, a little boy was climbing the tree.
The tree were tall and big.
And then, he fell down the tree and dropped into the ceramic water jar.
Then, this accident causes many boys coming and flocking around the ceramic water jar.
Children began to fear. At this moment, two boys carried a stone in a hurry.
They wanted to help the boy.
They pulled together to break the jar by the stone.
And then, the jar was broken, the boy was be rescued.
In the end, they got a lesson.
To be careful when playing.
posted by Amanda @ 7:36 PM
9 Comments:
"causes many boys coming and flocking around the ceramic water jar."
"cause" should chang into "caused"
This comment has been removed by the author.
This comment has been removed by the author.
"Children began to fear."
Writing "The children" is better.
"In the end, they got a lesson.
To be careful when playing."
Writing "In the end, they got a lesson which is be careful when they are playing." is better.
We should be super careful at anytime or anywhere .
"Children began to fear." I think that "The children began to fear because they did not know how to rescue him." is better.
* this accident causes* should change to *, this accident caused*
"To be careful when playing."
You should change to "To be careful when we are playing".
I think the boy who fell into jar is too pixilated.
He must be pandied by his mother.
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