My Embarrassing Experence Draft1
My embarrassing experence happen when I was nine years old.
Someday my older sister rode bicycle with me. Then she rode to some corner.
Suddenly a motorcycle rushed out. And then, my older sister do bumping stop
so she stop her car. After two miuntes, I fall into a trash can! This sound some
funny, but it was embarrassing for me. Because people who passed by car looked
me. After I felt my body sent out foul smell and some housefly around me.
This experence let me learn that no one is allowed to sit on the back seat
when we ride bicycles.
posted by Amanda @ 7:28 AM
9 Comments:
"My embarrassing experence happen when I was nine years old."
maybe you should chang "happen" to "happened".
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The title should be "An Embarrassing Experience-Draft One",you must change it.
*After two miuntes*
miuntes should change to minutes.
*This sound some funny*
some can change to a little or very.
*Because people who passed by car lookedme. *
loodedme should +space.
*no one is allowed to sit on the back seatwhen we ride bicycles.*
seatwhen should +space.
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All of your "experence" should change to "experience".
"And then, my older sister do bumping stopso she stop her car." Change "stopso" to "stop so".
"After I felt my body sent out foul smell and some housefly around me." Maybe doesn't need "After".
to some corner May you didn't need "some" you can use "a"
"so she stop her car" should change into "so she stoped her motorcycle." "After two minutes?" or you want to say "after two seconds."
I don't understand the sentence,
"my older sister do bumping stop"
Maybe it should be "my older sister
bumped into"
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